There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
