just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
