she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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