FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
