she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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