I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
