Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
