So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
