im about as happy as oj after his trial
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
