he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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