Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it's like heaven, but drunker
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
