Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
