so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
