Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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