i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
