now i know why i became what i already was.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
