Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
