barbara walters just said penis...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
