WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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