I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
