But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
