Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
