sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
