I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
