Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
