There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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