true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
