I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
