My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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