Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Green mimosas i think yes
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
