The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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