escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
