and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
