i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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