There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
