considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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