There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
