He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
