Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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