listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
