I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
babies were throwing up all over the place
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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