I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
