I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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