my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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