Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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