He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
