Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
