If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Non-Jews are for practice
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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