Having a random hookup so left but love u
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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