a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
