Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
