Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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