he was CRYING into my vagina
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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