do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
