I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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