Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
