this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
