The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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