Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
