Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
