so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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