I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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