Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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