dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
