so explain again why im purple
no
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
