you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
