you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
