It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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