Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
