stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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