She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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