Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
