do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
